Study: Polish People Have Highest IQs In Europe

Intellectual Poles playing violins

WARSAW, POLAND- Never mind all the dumb jokes revolving around Polish people. Never mind all those silly punchlines. A new study conducted by the University of Warsaw concluded that Poles have the highest IQs of any European people. The study was funded in part by The Association of Polish People Against Stereotyping (APPAS.)

“It took the university and our researchers over eighteen months to conduct our survey,” said Frank Kuzma, President of the University of Warsaw. “We gathered a large grouping of people from every nation on the European continent and our brain exercises and general tests prove without a shadow of a doubt that Polish people are the smartest. I believe the days of stereotyping the entire Polish race are gone.” did some digging of its own and discovered the Polish citizens recruited for the survey were geniuses compared to the other participants who ranged from Croatian bricklayers to Dutch postal service employees to French mechanics. Kuzma, however, denied any sort of conspiracy to shed the Poles in a positive intellectual light.

“That’s nonsense!” he said, vehemently. “The people who participated in our survey were all about the same intellectually. I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about but I deny it.” spoke to some ordinary Polish people on the streets of the capital city to gain reaction to the University of Warsaw’s findings.

“Yes, I believe we are the smartest people there is,” said a woman who didn’t want her name revealed. “Sometimes I understand things but most of the time I don’t but that doesn’t mean I’m dumb. It’s like that with everyone I know. I don’t consider the Poles to be simple people, thank you very much.”

“Poland may not have the smartest people in the world but you better believe we try very hard to sound smart,” said an elderly man who again refused to reveal his name. “We make some really mean sausages too!”

“I don’t understand your question,” said another Polish man. “What are you asking? I don’t know what to say.”

MENSA officials have been dispatched to Poland in order to confirm these results independently. Their results will be published sometime in August. Stay tuned.