Mitt Romney Hospitalized For Food Poisoning Following White House Luncheon

The lunch buddies shown here following the meal.

BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS- Former Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney was admitted to Massachusetts General Hospital earlier this morning after complaining about severe stomach pains, disorientation and nausea. Several people closest to Romney, including his wife, Ann, rushed him to the hospital where doctors diagnosed Romney’s condition as food poisoning.

“My husband started to complain about stomach pains immediately following his luncheon at the White House the other day,” said Ann Romney to reporters assembled in the lobby of the prestigious hospital. “He initially took some over the counter medicine to calm his stomach but woke up early this morning complaining of severe pains in his abdominal region, overall dizziness and nausea. We brought him here as soon as we could.”

Romney and President Obama lunched together at the White House on Thursday afternoon after the two agreed to meet up for a casual atmosphere to discuss the issues that arose during the campaign. The menu consisted of Southwestern grilled chicken salad and white turkey chili.

“At this point in time we’re not sure what exactly caused the Governor’s food poisoning,” said Greg Baines, media spokesperson at Mass General. “A team of doctors pumped the Governor’s stomach and that seemed to alleviate his symptoms tremendously. We’re not going to conjecture if the food he ate at the White House contributed to his sudden illness but there’s some proof of that.”

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney told reporters today that the President wasn’t feeling any ill effects from their luncheon as of this morning and that the Governor probably had a stomach bug at the time of the meeting.

“Look, I’m getting a lot of flak from some people saying we tried to poison the Governor,” said Carney. “That’s beyond ridiculous. I mean, let’s get real here, okay? He probably had a stomach virus unbeknownst to him and it acted up following the luncheon. So, please put all these dumb conspiracy theories to rest.” tried to speak to White House Executive Chef Cristeta Comerford about how the meal was prepared but we were denied access to her by the Secret Service.

Meanwhile, back in Boston, Mitt Romney is in stable condition and his doctors assured the press that he would be back to normal in a few days.

“We don’t anticipate any long term adverse effects from this episode,” said William Howell, a doctor who cared for Romney. “He should be discharged shortly.”

Some key Republicans in Congress, however, believe there’s something fishy in the White House kitchen.

“I’m not saying he was poisoned on purpose but it sure looks that way, doesn’t it?” said Senator John McCain of Arizona. “The writing is on the wall, my friends.”

“I’m never having lunch with the President, that’s for sure,” joked Speaker of the House John Boehner, of Ohio. “I wish Mitt a speedy recovery.”

We all do, John. We all do.