Jimmy Hoffa’s Body Found Inside Storage Locker

Mystery solved!

SANTA CRUZ, CALIFORNIA- We now know the answer to one of the most puzzling riddles in American history. Where is Jimmy Hoffa’s body buried? Well, it turns out his body has been inside a storage locker in the sleepy coastal town of Santa Cruz, California.

The discovery was made during an ordinary storage locker auction conducted by famed auctioneer Daniel O’Grady.

“We lifted the door up and saw a body bag concealed in the corner of the unit along with run-of-the-mill home items like lamps, a couch and an end table,” said O’Grady. “The smell emanating from the interior was truly unbearable and it was obvious that we were dealing with human remains. A locker like this doesn’t come up often so I started the bidding at one thousand dollars.”

O’Grady says the bidding became fierce once the bidders realized a decomposed body lay inside the locker.

“A human corpse found inside a storage locker is truly rare, something we call the ‘wow factor’ in our business,” said O’Grady who ultimately sold the locker for six thousand dollars.

The buyer, Robert Penbroke, 32, of Los Angeles, immediately paid the locker fee in crisp Benjamins and then proceeded to unzip the body bag with unbridled enthusiasm.

“Oh boy, a real, genuine, body!” he said, taking a deep breath and pulling the zipper wide open. “I hope it’s someone famous because Daddy needs a new Benz!”

Once the body bag had been unzipped, it quickly became apparent to Penbroke and O’Grady that it wasn’t your ordinary everyday decomposed body.

“I found a note hammered to the skull and it said ‘I am Jimmy Hoffa’” said Penbroke, who admitted to vomiting numerous times while checking out the body. “That was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I knew I had hit the jackpot.”

Authorities were called in and DNA tests concluded that the body did, in fact, belong to the former Teamsters Union boss, Jimmy Hoffa, who had mysteriously disappeared from existence in July of 1975.

“After full DNA testing, we are absolutely positive that the body found in the storage locker belonged to Mr. Jimmy Hoffa,” said FBI spokesman James Cardigan. “We promptly returned the body to Mr. Penrose since we considered it to be private property.”

Penrose said he wasn’t quite sure what to do with the corpse just yet but he knew his six thousand dollar investment would yield big bucks down the line.

“I’ll probably hold onto the body for a while,” he said. “Maybe stick him on Ebay in a few months or year. This looks like a long term investment, not a quick flip.”

 

 

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